It is normal to have sexual fantasies, it is a part of life, and most of the time it just stays fantasies. But there are probably others that you want to try in real life.
Remember that you can get help, with a sex therapist, if you’re having a lot of fantasies that aren’t allowed by the law. And you should always try to talk to someone about that.
Everyone have sexual fantasies. And you will see that your fantasies are less unique than you thought. You might learn a few things about yourself and what you want in real life.
Why we fantasize, here are the most common reasons:
- because we’re bored
- to escape reality
- to meet unfulfilled needs
- because we’re curious about different sexual sensations
- to explore a sexually taboo desire
- to relax or reduce anxiety
- to feel more sexually confident
- to experience arousal
Power, Control and Rough Sex
One of the most popular fantasy. Having Rough sex. Being in control and having power over the other.
Rough sex is a sexual act that can be aggressive, animalistic, and perhaps somewhat violent. It is often depicted as more passionate than other kinds of sex, Though, rough is not inherently dangerous or abusive if done properly.
Vulnerability has arousal potential.
You’ve probably heard about BDSM, it is the consensual exchange of power between two or more people. It can be in a sexual situation or not.
S&M (Sadism and Masochism) is giving or receiving pain at different level. It can be spanking, humiliating, whipping etc.
The idea of being sexually submissive can be arousing to people who are always in control outside. Being in control is also very hot because of the taboo nature of rough sex. But the sense of authority is very arousing.
A lot of role-play falls into the category of Dominance and Submission, like professor/student, boss/employee, daddy/step-daughter. Also, what is called “forced-sex” is common between couple that trust each other.
What can you do about it
The first step to take to live this fantasy in real life is to ensure it’s safe, sane, and consensual, then you need to figure out what the fantasy is, exactly, and then talking to your partner about it. It is that simple.
BDSM contains a lot of different sexual activities. From spanking and blind folding, to total submission.
Novelty and Variety. Adventure
Incorporating new sexual activity like anal, for novelty. Having sex in a new location for adventure. All of this are common fantasies.
It is particularly important in long-term relationship. To fight boredom and maintaining an interesting sex life, novelty is the key.
What can you do about it
Of course the first step is to talk to your partner about it. The feeling might not be the same and novelty and variety are different for people.
You could try to say ” I saw how you look between my legs, would you want to taste me?”, or “I love when you pull my hair, could you do it harder next time we have sex?”
Try “I love when you’re inside me, how would you feel about exploring doggy style next time we have sex?” or “I love the way you look between my legs, would you want to taste me the next time we have sex?”
Multipartner sex
Group sex if probably the most common sexual fantasies among a lot of people. Multi-partner sex involves sex with more than one partner of the same or different genders. Sex with three partners may be called a threesome, and more may be called an orgy.
A study show that male were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. Meanwhile, women’s fantasies were more likely to include same-sex partners and famous people.
What can you do about it
It is really not that hard to find other partner to particiapte in your sexual activities.
Taboo. Forbidden sex.
There are a LOT of taboo out their !
Common taboos include for example worshiping a part a the body, like the ass or the feet, the armpits etc. Voyeurism, watching people without their knowledge (or consent).
What can you do about it
Sexual desires can be communicated with your partner(s) — and depending on their likes or dislikes, enacted.
Nonconsensual exhibitionism and voyeurism is illegal, because the people getting exposed to your genitals or being watched aren’t willing participants. While this may be hot to fantasize about, these shouldn’t be practiced in real life.
You can try to use a mirror to watch yourself or your partner from a different angle.
Non-Monogamy
Open relationships, polyamor, and swinging, are becoming more present.
But we talk about the fantasies when it is practiced with your partner knowledge and consent. Studies show that cheating, being unfaithful, or committing adultery is not arousing to many people.
Some fantasize about one partner providing their blessing for the other’s extramarital play. Others fantasize about their partner sleeping with others. It is called Cuckolding and it is letting your partner have sex with someone when you can watch or hear about it all after the fact.
What can you do about it
First it is important to figure out if this is just a fantasy or something you want in your life. Because if you want to change your relationship structure, you should probably start by exploring and finding what it means to you.
Because maybe you want deep and romantic relationships with more than one person, or you already clearly know that you want just one romantic partner but want to explore other path in sexuality.
When you know, talk to your partner. And see what can follow from there.
Or, live out your fantasy. But understand that nonethical non-monogamy is violating the rules or boundaries of your relationship and there may be consequences such as feelings of guilt, or your partner leaving you if they find out.
Romance, Passion and Love Story
Not many people think of this as a sexual fantasy, but it IS part of a fantasy : to be desired and romantic, to be treated like queen or king.
So dinners with candle, eye contact during love, gesture that show a large amount of time and effort, can make you feel significant. Even the money can be something that matters in the way we feel we are taking cared of.
What can you do about it
If you are in a relationship and find yourself fantasizing about this, maybe it is because you don’t feel appreciated enough. So maybe you need to spend more time together, learn each other will in love, and make eye contact during sex.
Flexibility
Erotic flexibility is the fantasy of bending gender roles and sexual orientation. For some people it can be really fun and inject something different into sex life.
What can you do about it
Communication, as always, is key to learning if your gender bending or sexual fluidity fantasies mesh with the likes of your partner.
Roleplay – Cosplay
There are becoming more and more common. Role play was already but we can see more and more cosplay fantasies out there.
Despite their similar names, roleplay and cosplay are distinct fantasies. And both can be incorporated of be the cause of another fantasy.